Harry Potter and the Sasquatch
by Draco the Cat
Summary: Ok, the Sasquatch isn't actually in it, it's just parody of the Goblet of Fire. Amuse yourslves.


Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Spoofed!  
  
Harry: I hate the Dursley's  
  
Dursleys: We hate you.  
  
Mailman: Here's a letter with alot of stamps. Darn those wizards.  
  
Harry: I'm going to watch people fly.  
  
Dursleys: Oh.  
  
Ron: I'm trapped in the fire place.  
  
Harry: Stupid boy.  
  
Aurthur: I'll blow up half the house to get us out.  
  
House: *explodes*  
  
Dudley: My tongue is abnormaly large.  
  
Fred: You're fat. We tricked you!  
  
Vernon: Grr. Arg.  
  
Aurthur: You look like a rhinocerous. We'll be leaving now.  
  
Weasleys and Harry: *shoop!*  
  
Ron: I'm embarassed by my small house.  
  
Harry: So am I. Take all my money.  
  
Ron: No.  
  
Harry: Ok.  
  
Hermione: Hi.  
  
Everyone: Hi, Hermione!  
  
Later...  
  
Ron: This clivy is rockin' yo! Rockin' old school!  
  
Harry: What?  
  
Ron: Ahem. I like quidditch.  
  
Leprauchauns Hee hee! We're giving you fake gold!  
  
Ron: Damn.  
  
Harry: Look. It's the sign of the most evil wozard of all time.  
  
Ron: Shiny...  
  
Random guy: Harry Potter did it!  
  
Harry: Nuh-uh.  
  
Random guy: Oh, ok. Then itwas the house elf!  
  
Everyone: *gasp*  
  
Crouch: No!  
  
Random guy: Yes!  
  
Crouch: Damn.  
  
Hermione: I'm going to bed.  
  
At the Hog...  
  
Dumbledore: We're hosting a nifty tournament.  
  
School: Yay.  
  
Goblet of Fire: Harry Potter  
  
Everyone: *gasp*  
  
Krum: I'm a hunchback with webbed feet. But everyone lives me.  
  
Ron: I don't believe you didn't put your name in the Goblet of Fire.  
  
Harry: I didn't.  
  
Ron: Yes, you did.  
  
Harry: Fine. I'm going to be mad at you for no good reason until the First task when we we will be, again, chummy good chums!  
  
Ron: Ok  
  
First Task...  
  
Harry: I got through the first task. Go me.  
  
Ron: Good. Now we have to find dates for the ball.  
  
Harry: We should be going together but for the sake of the part of the world that hates Harr/Ron slash and gay people in general, we will pretend to be normal hederosexual people.  
  
At the ball...  
  
Harry: I can't dance.  
  
Ron: Those sisters are wierd.  
  
Harry: Let's ignore our dates and go spy on Hagrid!  
  
Ron: Ok.  
  
Hagrid: I'm half giant.  
  
Everyone: *gasp*  
  
Mme Maxime: So am I.  
  
Everyone: *gasp*  
  
Mme Maxime: Damn. I mean I'm - uh - big boned...  
  
Everyone: *whew*  
  
Hagrid: No you're not.  
  
Everyone: *gasp*  
  
Mme Maxime: Get away from me.  
  
Beetle: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeehee hee hee!  
  
Ron: I s that beetle laughing insanely?  
  
Harry: Yes.  
  
Ron: Oh.  
  
Later...  
  
Harry: That egg is screaming at me.  
  
Cedric: Take a bath.  
  
Harry: Ok, but I still hate you for stealing Cho, you bastard.  
  
Cedric: Ok.  
  
Moaning Myrtle: Hi  
  
Harry: My privates!  
  
Myrtle: Ho! The mermen are going to steal Ron!  
  
Harry: Damn.  
  
Dobby: Gillyweed! Gillyweed!  
  
Harry: *turns into a fish*  
  
Mermen: Muahahaha.  
  
Harry: Bubble. Bubble bubble.  
  
Mermen: Eh?  
  
Harry: I'm going to be heroic and save all the captives.  
  
Mermen: No.  
  
Harry: Yes.  
  
Mermen: Ok.  
  
Harry: *gets to the surface*  
  
Ron: Stupid boy.  
  
Harry: Bite me.  
  
Ron: Gaaaaaaah!  
  
Harry: Get away from me.  
  
Fleur: You saved my sister! I am forever in your debt!  
  
Snape: You sneak into my office. You're cruisin' for a bruisin', boy...  
  
Harry: You're greasy.  
  
Ron: Buuuuuuuuurn!  
  
Snape: Damn!  
  
Rita Skeeter: I'm going to write evil things about all of you!  
  
Hermione: I'm a scarlet woman!  
  
Divinitation...  
  
Harry: *dream* Aaauugggghhhhh!! My scaaaaaaar! It buuuuuuuuurns!  
  
Dumbledore's office....  
  
Harry: Shiny... a bowl of thoughts...  
  
Dumbledore: Get awaaaaaay!  
  
Harry: Karkaroff's a Death Eater and Mr. Crouch is a bad man.  
  
Dumbledore: Yes.  
  
Later...  
  
Crouch: I'm insane with anger! Actually I'm just insane.  
  
Harry: Oh.  
  
Cedric: Ooh. Big hedges.  
  
Krum: *grunt*  
  
Harry: Cool.  
  
Fleur: You saved my sister! I am forever in your debt!  
  
Obstructions: Ha! We are trying to stop you!  
  
Harry: Damn.  
  
Krum: I'm under the Imperius Curse!  
  
Cedric: Diiiiiie!  
  
Krum: *knocked out*  
  
Sphinx: If you get the answer right, you can pass.  
  
Harry: Spider.  
  
Sphinx: Damn.  
  
Harry: The world is upside-down! Whee!  
  
World: Turns right side up.  
  
Harry: Darn, my leg seems to be broken.  
  
Boggart: Yep.  
  
Cedric: No! The cup is miiiiiiiine!  
  
Harry: Ok.  
  
Cedric: Noooooo! I can't take it!!  
  
Harry: We'll take it together.  
  
Cedric: Ah, good old teamwork.  
  
Cup: *is grabbed*  
  
Cedric: *dies*  
  
Harry: Damn.  
  
Voldemort: You conquered me! Now I shall conquer you! Muahahaha! *cough cough* Ha!  
  
Harry: No.  
  
Voldemort: Yes.  
  
Harry: Damn.  
  
Voldemort: Now we shall duel! To the death! Gaha! Gaha! Gaaaaaaaaaaah!  
  
Harry: You're evil. And creepy.  
  
Ron: Buuuuuuuuurn!  
  
Voldemort: Damn. Where'd you come from?  
  
Ron: Your ass! Ahahahahahahaha!  
  
Voldemort: Idiot boy. Anyways, back to the killing.  
  
Death Eaters: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!  
  
Wands: *repel*  
  
Glowing ball thing: *moves*  
  
Harry: I'm weeeeeeeeeeeeakening...  
  
Cedric's ghost: Beee stroooooooong!  
  
Harry: What the...?  
  
Parent ghosts: Run! Run! Ruuuuuuuuuuun!  
  
Harry: *runs* Noooooooooo! Cedriiiiiiiiiiiiiic!  
  
Cedric: *says nothing because he is dead.*  
  
Cup: *is grabbed*  
  
School: *gasp*  
  
Dumbledore: Moody is actually Crouch's son, and that's who put your name in the Goblet o' Fire.  
  
Everyone: Aha!  
  
Dementor: Gimme your soul.  
  
Barty Crouch: Ok.  
  
Feast...  
  
Dumbledore: Gryffindor wins! Be sad for Cedric.  
  
Everyone: *is sad*  
  
Food: *appears*  
  
Everyone: *eats*  
  
Next day...  
  
Harry: I hate the Dursleys  
  
Ron: Come stay at my embarresingly small house.  
  
Harry: Ok.  
  
Train: *leaves*  
  
Story: *ends* 


End file.
